I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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