she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
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My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
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I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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