So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
