There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
