Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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