Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
