Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
