you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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