I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
