Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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