Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
