What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
