I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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