My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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