He uses pillows to masturbate.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Randomize
