What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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