I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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