Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
