If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
