She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
The Olympian is in my bed
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
