Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
