the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
