yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
