We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
