I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
