I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
