I puked a lego.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
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That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
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My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
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