sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I think I won the penis lottery.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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