very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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