I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
