She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
