Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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