The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Randomize
