Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
