Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
