i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
