God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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