That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
