so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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