3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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