what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I woke up under a house in Key West
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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