When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
