they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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