I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
