I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
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