Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
