Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
