no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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