I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
porn star boner night. come get it.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Randomize
