WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
