Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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