Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
