U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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