i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
