I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
