we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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