She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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