I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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