I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
