ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
