I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Randomize
