He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
