dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I have feelings that need drinking.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
