I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
