I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
