... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
