this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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