you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
