I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
