P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
