I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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