it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
